Growing up with female parts, we’re pretty well-versed on what events in our lives will unfold at the appropriate time, leading us down an enlightened and inescapable transition from girl into woman. You’re all thinking of the most obvious one right now (making that first awkward purchase at the store, or forcing your best friend to do it for you), but have you thought beyond those obvious events? Have you let your mind reach out to the crevices of a realm that might just slip away if you don’t demand of yourself the sensitivity and awareness to appreciate and soak in such moments?
Girlfriend, you better believe that the true transition of girl to woman really begins with those moments. Go on and let your hair hang down, cozy on up to that glowing monitor and let that freak flag officially fly.
Let me introduce you to one of the defining moments in my fashion girl life.
Not long ago, this little heart of mine dreamt of fashion school, a stacked crew of models, photographers, creative junkies, artist types and the like as my main cohorts, living the fancy-girl-on-a-budget-I’ll-buy-that-Alexander-Wang-if-I-want-life in downtown LA. What it really boiled down to was the ultimate dream of being constantly creative and submerging myself in a lifestyle that made me feel alive. That dream, it seems, didn’t quite live up to unrealistic expectations I’d set based on a life I began living for others and not for myself. It wasn’t terrible, but it was complacent. It wasn’t quite alive. However, it really wasn’t terrible. That’s how I almost let that little gut feeling slip away. The funny thing is, I don’t have a demanding family who lives to create unrealistic expectations or occupy rude attitudes about my dreams, rather, I have an amazing, supportive family who wish me happiness in any form and honestly believe that I have POTUS potential, if that’s what I really wanted (it’s not). I don’t have a crazy controlling boyfriend forcing me to live the life he wants or else he’s peace the hell out, but rather, the sweetest, most caring guy in the world who would follow me wherever my dreams may take me, if I just ask. I don’t have assholes in my life who put me down or tell me I can’t do what I want, rather, I have cool friends who tell me constantly that I should be doing the thing I’m passionate about because I’m really good at it. What I do have, however, is a a self-imposed belief that true success is how society defines it and that certain jobs are better than others. Certain diplomas or experiences equal brain power while others equal stupid. Ok, this is kind of real to some degree, but in my mind, it’s beyond realistic facts. It’s a compartmentalized belief that it’s this way, and not that way to make the right way. I have this idea that telling someone what I do at a party and knowing they will think I’m a big deal is more important than actually feeling like I’m a big deal to myself because I’m living my dream, not someone else’s. The thing is, I really could get by in life doing whatever society wanted me to. I’d own that shit, too. I’d make it my bitch. But I don’t want to. Why would I want to? Why do any of us want to? We don’t. Some of us just miss that moment of clarity or are too afraid to turn around and look it in the eyes. However, once that moment becomes real to you, there aint no goin’ back sister. It has now made you it’s bitch. Let it. Just promise yourself you’ll keep it close and start taking steps towards the life you want, not the life you may be settling for.
Have you had a defining moment in your life recently?
Here’s some tips on how to arrive at a non-obvious but oh-so necessary moment of your own. Hint, there will be waaaaay more than one in that hella life of yours!
1. Stop caring what other people want for you and start caring what you want for you.
2. Stop being a big fat scaredy cat and get over your fear of not being good enough for your dreams. Here’s a reality check: people are going to criticize you no matter what you do. Let them do it to you while you’re madly in love with your life, it stings way less.
3. Work towards something and accomplish it, check it off an actual list. Celebrate little wins but don’t let yourself settle for just the little ones forever.
4. Notice your life. Take in your surroundings. Notice your feelings. Notice the sunset or the beach waves. Put down your phone, get off the internet, be present.
5. Spend your time how you want to spend your time. Reality check: you proactively chose every single one of your choices. Contrary to what you may tell yourself, it’s totally up to you to stay late at work, put off calling your friend or family member back, ditch out on plans, etc. You get it. Chose what you really want.
Go get ‘em tiger. We all believe in you.POSTED IN On My Mind